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JOKES
Aug 4, 2016 19:05:49 GMT 10
Post by Uralee on Aug 4, 2016 19:05:49 GMT 10
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Post by Blairy on Aug 19, 2016 10:01:27 GMT 10
this may come in handy if you are contemplating attacking any wiring jobs on your Ural...........................
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JOKES
Mar 6, 2017 19:11:43 GMT 10
Post by Uralee on Mar 6, 2017 19:11:43 GMT 10
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JOKES
Oct 22, 2017 13:56:56 GMT 10
Post by Admin on Oct 22, 2017 13:56:56 GMT 10
The Horse and the Chicken were friends. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story? (yep, you betchya, there IS a moral!) "When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks."
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JOKES
Dec 22, 2017 14:12:16 GMT 10
Post by Uralee on Dec 22, 2017 14:12:16 GMT 10
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roscoau
Life? Don't talk to me about life!
Posts: 838
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JOKES
Dec 22, 2017 17:51:59 GMT 10
Post by roscoau on Dec 22, 2017 17:51:59 GMT 10
Not if I can avoid it!
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JOKES
Apr 17, 2019 11:38:16 GMT 10
Mark likes this
Post by Uralee on Apr 17, 2019 11:38:16 GMT 10
Bought a new imported Ford F350 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck...
Go figure... It runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.
I returned to the dealer yesterday, because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated.
'Nelson!' The technician said to the radio.
The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
'Willie!' he continued and 'On the road again' came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant,' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven!', I'd get beautiful classical music.
And if I said 'Beatles!', I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly smashed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him...
I yelled, βF**king Idiot!!!β
Immediately, the radio responded with:
"Ladies and gentlemen, an address from the Leader of the Opposition, Bill Shorten."
Damn, I love this truck!!!
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Post by Uralee on Apr 18, 2019 8:41:02 GMT 10
Once upon a time... The king called on the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The royal weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain for at least 4 days. So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area." The king was polite and considerate, so he replied, "Thanks for your concern, but don't worry. It's not going to rain today. I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him." So the king continued on his way. However, a short time later torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster. The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtained the information about rain today from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain very soon." So the king hired the donkey instead. And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions. The practice is unbroken to this day!
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